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"Call Me, Maybe? Lessons in Love..."

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Written by Pat Curran

Posted on 19 January 2018

Last Updated 19 January 2018

DESTINATION TOUGHMAN: 62 Days Until Race Day
 

 

I threw a wish in a well,

Don’t ask me, I’ll never tell

I looked to you as I fell,

And now you’re in my way

 

I’d trade my soul for a wish,

Pennies and dimes for a kiss

I wasn’t looking for this,

But now you’re in my way

 

Your stare was holdin’,

Ripped jeans, skin was showin’

Hot night, wind was blowin’

Where do you think you’re going baby?

 

Hey, I just met you,

And this is crazy,

Here’s my number

So call me, maybe!

 

 

Carly Rae Jepsen singing “Call Me, Maybe”

Miami Dolphins Cheerleaders & Military Version

To see video (highly recommended), click here

 

 

This week, I want to divert a bit away from all of the discipline, rigor, and grit of the “Hero’s Journey” and focus on the topic of love.

 

So, how do you fall in love and why? And, if you do fall in love, how do you stay in love? How do you make it last?

 

To start, I think the most important thing to know is that love is not just a place or state of being. It also requires action. Love demands that individuals be vulnerable, take risks, and give nothing less than 100% toward making the other person happy. It requires a sense of humor, a shoulder to lean on, and an unshakable loyalty to stand with the other person when needed most.

 

Love is the most wonderfully irrational, yet powerful forces in the universe. It creates while nearly everything else consumes. It even mixes well with other emotions like anger to create a passion to do good for others. But love, like any other living thing, has to be nurtured and protected to remain alive.

 

Spend this week putting a little extra love into your relationships. Be silly, laugh loud, and embrace all. Love is the life-blood of the soul. It’s the reason why heroes choose to be heroes.

 

Make it a great week!

God Bless,

--Pat


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 Letters From Your Father –

“Love Bends”

 

 

 “Don’t wanna break your heart

Wanna give your heart a break

I know you’re scared it’s wrong

Like you might make a mistake

There’s just one life to live

And there’s no time to wait, to wait

So let me give your heart a break

 

Cause you’ve been hurt before

I can see it in your eyes

You try to smile it away

Some things you can’t disguise

 

Don’t wanna break your heart

Baby, I can ease the ache, the ache

So let me give your heart a break, your heart a break
There’s just so much you can take

Give your heart a break

Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break

Oh yeah, yeah

 

 

Demi Lovato singing “Give Your Heart a Break”

To view video, click here

To meet Dad’s new friend, click here

 


Dear Girls:
 

 

How do you know you and your partner are in love? Simple, if you ask me. When one person loves the other more than himself or herself, then they are in love. It’s totally irrational. As humans we are hardwired to place our own self-interest and survival over everything else, yet love somehow overrides the programming. It’s love that provides hope for couples managing disagreements because in their hearts, they just want to make the other person happy without compromising their core values.

 

I wish the feeling of being in love was enough. Unfortunately, even when couples are in love and ready to compromise, that doesn’t mean that they know how.

 

To help, here is a time tested, proven approach for how to reconcile problems when they come up between you and anyone you love. It describes how to create a common path forward during times of disagreement so there is no space between you.

1.  Send a big gesture that you are ready to talk.  Sometimes moments are so tense and nerves so raw over an issue that talking seems too hard. It is best to say nothing until you feel you can think clearly. However, in my experience it does not always happen at the same time. When you’re head is clear, think about how the other person is feeling and determine what is the best way to send big gesture that you love them, are sorry that you are apart, and want to talk. It’s important to be selfless about this and to think of a creative idea that will impart laughter and love that is most meaningful and real. The bigger the challenge between you both, the bigger the gesture needs to be.

2.  Listen to his/her position.  God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason. Take a few breaths, clear you mind of your interests, and ask the other person to explain their perspective. Focus all of your energy on listening to the other person’s words, observing the other person’s body language, and reading the emotion through the inflection of their voice. Try to discern if their disagreement with you is based on a lack of understanding (not enough information), dislike to your position (emotion), or a lack of trust (deep emotional pain / may not just be about you!). Then, try to repeat what you heard with the full context of how you read the situation. You may be corrected on a few things but that’s fine. More important, tensions will significantly reduce because you cared enough to slow down, listen, and be open to their perspective.

3.  Find out what his/her interests are behind this position.  Repeating back someone’s position is pretty good start. However, it’s only the first step. Now you have to ask why the other person feels so strongly about their position. Positions are usually driven by beliefs and values that are not always rationale but must be respected. So, what I say when it’s really intense is, “OK. No judgment here on whether its good or bad. Why do you feel that way?” This is the point where trust is built. You are asking the other person to be vulnerable in sharing their deepest fears, uncertainties, and doubts. Build trust by being gracious, kind, and accepting. If necessary, repeat back everything you heard and understood.

4.  Briefly describe your position and interests.  Ask them if you could now tell them how you feel. Succinctly follow the same path of stating your position and ask to list all of your reasons why withoutMirror or possibly exceed the level of vulnerability and openness when expressing your full interests. You both are adults who are co-dependent on each other. That’s what is meant when they say love “completes” the other person.

5.  Create options that satisfy enough of both of your interests.  Now that you demonstrated great care and love in listening to each other, you are ready to begin building a bridge through common interests. First, the easy stuff. Clearly agree on the interests that matter most to both of you. That will de-clutter a lot of the problem. Then, determine the “GAS Factor” for those remaining areas of disagreement. Ask yourselves, “On a scale of 1-10, how much do I really ‘Give-A-Shit’ about getting my way on this point?” Most times you can just feel your way through the process. Sometimes evoking the “GAS Factor” adds a little laughter and love for prioritizing what is truly important to both of you.

6.  Agree on a shared path forward.  At this point typically trust is increasing, positions are far more flexible, and both of you are laser focused on what matters for making the other person happy. Now it’s time to brainstorm options for a “3rd way” that breaks you both free from the “win-lose” situation you were once in. Whatever you decide, make sure it legitimately addresses both of your interests, so the conversation ends with minimum space between you.

 

Each time both of you do this well, you will build loyalty, trust, and an enduring love for each other. And remember, the way you resolve a disagreement will be remembered far longer than the actual topic you were arguing about.

 

There is a lot written about what love is. I don’t pretend to be skilled enough to tell you much more than what others have already written on the subject. However, being with your Mom since we were 15 years old has given us a lot of practice figuring out how to stay in love. Yes, love is stubborn, kind, and forgiving. But, in times of trouble, I also believe that love bends. That’s the quality that makes love so enduring.

 

 

Love You Forever,

--Dad

 


References
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This Week in Training:

“Let Me Show You a Few Things...”

 

 

I can’t wait ‘til I get you on the floor, good looking

Going hot, so hot, just like an oven

And I’ll burn myself, but just had to touch it

But it’s so fine and it’s all mine…

 

Hey baby, we don’t mind all the watching, ha

Cause if they study close, real close,

They just might learn something

She ain’t nothing but a little doozie

when she does it

She’s so fine… tonight!

 

And as long as I got my suit and tie

I’m a leave it all on the floor tonight

And you got fixed up to the nines

Let me show you a few things

 

All pressed up in the black and white

And you’re dressed in that dress I like

Love is swinging in the air tonight

Let me show you a few things

 

Let me show you a few things

Show you a few things about love

Now we’re in the swing of love!

 

Let me show you a few things

Let me show you a few things

Show you a few things about love…

 

Hey!!!

 

Justine Timberlake, featuring Jay Z, performing “Suit and Tie”

To watch video, click here

 

This week, I turn 40 years old. It’s a great age where you know a lot about who you are, what you like, and what truly matters. Also, with a lot of work and investment, love has become more durable. More refined.

 

When it comes to the workouts, strive to get through them. However, prioritize exercising a little extra love this week to reinforce your reason why.

 

Here’s this week’s workout

Monday:         Swim 15 x 100m; Run 8 x 200m

Tuesday:       Bike 75 min; Run 60 min

Wednesday: Swim 10 x 200m; Bike 90 min

Thursday:     Swim Drills & 16 x 50m; Core strength training*

Friday:           Bike 3 hrs; Run 20 min

Saturday:       Run 90 min

Sunday:         Long stretch; Sports w/girls

 

*Core strength training includes chin-ups, push-ups, dips, planks, rock wall climbing

**Stretch 30 min each day to “injury-proof” and avoid becoming “brittle”

 

Tip of the week: Start writing down what you are eating and drinking. We are about to enter the stage where the workouts are so long that your body will start breaking down if it is not maintained properly. Unfortunately, it’s not an exact science. Begin journaling what you are eating and how you feel and start tweaking your nutrition plan during the workout and throughout the day.